Monday, May 4, 2009

The other side of the coin

Again it's been a crazy few days, but this time not so great. A friend I'd planned on getting together with cancelled on me on Wednesday. We'd been hoping to do something for weeks but passover got in the way. We'd finally planned something the week before, only for plans to change. Who knows when we'll actually meet up next. On Thursday I met up with someone and after a relatively quick chat I got really nervous and decided to go home. I'm not going to elaborate on who it was or the reasons why, but suffice to say I was told never to contact him again. Fine with me.

Then another thing happened. I have a friend who recently moved to LA. We've been friends for a long time. He knows my real identity. He met a guy and after knowing him a few months his new man proposed to him and he accepted. I'm not really going to talk about their relationship but i do have one problem. My friend told his beau about me. Not just that my name isn't Jay, but my background, my real name, and of course with that info he managed to track down my real profile. At first I didn't know anything had been revealed. Until I get a message from the fiance referring to 'Jay'. Well what does that mean? He tells me he knows about me. I assumed he knew it was a fake name, and didn't really make a big deal about it. Then he messages me making reference to the pic on my real fb profile, then he says something to me that I could only understand to be a veiled threat to out me. And that was when I'd had enough. I don't know this guy, my friend barely knows this guy, what right does he have to reveal my secrets to other people because he decides they were trustworthy?! I got mad at my 'friend' as we were chatting online at the time. Obviously I'd have to face the facts at some point but who was he to decide when that time would be?

He acted like I was hanging him out to dry and protested that he'd been nothing but a good friend to me. Up until this point we'd been chatting often about a lot of things, and it had been daily or even more often. But i just can't do that right now, i'm too mad at him and worried about the things that could possibly happen. I went into damage prevention mode and changed all my facebook privacy settings to the highest. Now even if you search for my name you won't find me. Does that accomplish anything? I don't know. He still has enough on me to do damage if he wanted to. Does he want to? I have no idea either. I decided to have a bit of a break from this 'friend' for a while.

That night i needed to get out. I didn't know what I wanted to do, but i needed to get out. I thought of heading to the G lounge with the friend I had gone with the previous week, but after last week's encounter with other JQY guys he wasn't so keen on going to anything gay and popular. I guess that means nothing gay, because I don't know of any places that are unpopular, lol. So I went to his place, and yes it was a shlep by subway. Only to get there and think WTF am i doing here. He doesn't want to go out, I stayed a bit but i just decided I had to leave, with him or without him. So I went back to the G Lounge. Alone. Drinking alone just isn't that fun, and you end up drinking way more than you should. Well I wasn't alone the whole time there, but too much of it. So going out and having a few drinks turned into drink a bit too much to forget what happened that day. One thing I learn was that I need to make some new gay friends that actually like going out to gay bars and clubs.

At least the weekend ended on a good note, I'd been in contact with a guy online for a while, but never managed to actually meet up, so on Sunday we finally did. We talked alot just walking the streets of Manhattan and then we saw a movie. It was a really fun sunday :) And on that note i'm gonna end this post.



Anonymous said...

well, I would NEVER do that to you! JC

Anonymous said...

Hi Jay, I am so damn in love with you! I think you are wonderfully perfect!!

Anonymous said...

Do you see a pattern here? You seem to be alienating everyone that wants to be a friend and help you through the rough spots. Perhaps it's YOU and not everyone else. Is there another version of the story? Maybe you were told not to contact that person (until you grow up) because you dissed (disappointed) him so many times he finally decided you aren't worth the effort and the pain you cause him with your attitude? Maybe?

David said...

Anon #3, unless you know the details, then you are being the perfect illustration of the ass in "assume."

Don't worry, Jay, I'm not protecting you, just airing my opinion.

As regards to the LA story, I'd have to get the verbatim details of what this person's fiance said before I could make a judgment call on either their or your behavior to the situation.

Jay said...

I wonder who JC is...

As for anon#3 I wouldn't say i'm alienating everyone who wants to be a friend. But you're entitled to your opinion.

And thanks david :)

Godfrey Off the Grid said...

that's awesome you had such a good day on sunday. it's great how days like that can be such a pick me up sometimes. :)

Steve said...

Jay, you are absolutely a great person. There is nothing wrong with your attitude. I'm glad u had a great Sunday! :)

Jay said...

Thanks steve, i am too :)

Anonymous said...

personal view: dont think anybody has the 'right' to out you...its a personal losing your virginity...noone can force you to...though pls take your time....personally: in a way its easier if you doing when older in your 30ish rather than in your very important thing: outing yourself is like...defusing a bomb:you have only one chance to make it right...and the most important outcome is: try not to hurt your parents (not your straight friends, sisters, brothers, nephews etc...but your parents)...obviously its easier for them when you older....but then you going thru hell-of-a-time during these extra 5-7-10 yrs....its upto you to decide when is the right time.

i do apologize again for removing 'Jay' from my FB budies...but then i realize i cant request the real you unless i stop changing my controvercial profile pix....your relatives will see it too...i have 2 choices: either to change right away to a decen profpic, add again Jay to my fb buddies.

btw SWEETHEART-HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2YOU (its already in Israel-its 7 hours ahead of New York) Im wishing you sincerely:
an ultra-rich stunning cute BF whod be soo deep in luv with you till death do you appart...and meanwhile you 2 live hapily ever after!!!
(but you know that already)

will try to email you DepecheMode live piece from Tel Aviv


24hrs and it already feels liuke an eternity not havin you on FB...reading your blog aint the same :(

Jay said...

Well i since decided to delete him as a friend. He would start chatting to me and be really rude and I just decided i'd had enough. As for my birthday, just because it's Jay's birthday doesn't mean it's mine ;)