Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Why does sex have to be so complicated?!

I should preface this post by stating that contrary to popular belief, i'm no ho. Do I have sex with random people? Yes I do. But I don't go around looking for sex, i'm just as interested, if not more interested in just finding friends to hang with, and if something happens, well then it happens.

I have a love/hate relationship with random sex. Random sex is exactly what it sounds like, sex with some random person. It doesn't really matter where you meet them, it's usually fun and satisfying. Of course there are times where things don't quite go according to 'plan'. If I'm going to have sex with someone, i usually make it pretty clear that i'm not looking for a relationship. My online profile even says so. I met up with 1 guy a while weeks ago and he seemed like a regular guy, but he was just too much for me. Very submissive, and just not my type. I went home and he just wouldn't give up. For the next week at least he would send me texts, he would phone me and leave me voice mails, he would message me on facebook. Even after I told him to delete my number from his phone and he said he would, he still didn't let up. Thank god he was the only person that I had a negative experience with... so far.

But there are other ways things can be fine, but then not work out the way I want. Like one of the guys I met up with last week. Don't get me wrong, he was a real nice guy, very passionate, we had lots of fun. Besides the fact that his profile said he was 7 years younger than he actually was (and to be honest had I known he was that much older I probably wouldn't have given him a second glance), all night he was telling me how amazing and perfect I was. And then after I left his place he sent me a text message which read in part "What can I say? Wow. Thank you for an awesome night. Been a long time since I enjoyed myself that much. Let me take you to dinner sometime?...." Ok hold on for a sec. He wants to take me to dinner. Does that constitute a date?

I'm all for a friend with benefits, or fuck buddy as some call them. But where does it end? I'd be up for having another romp in the sack (and we're already planning it lol) but I'm slightly concerned about what he's thinking. Is he thinking this guy is into me maybe we can takes thing to the next level? Do I just give off the wrong vibe? I'm not an asshole, I'm sweet and maybe a little shy. Does that mean that since I don't say clearly no this is NOT what I want, they just assume that things are going well and and want to see where things go? If he just wants a round 2, then why complicate things with dinner?

As much fun as it is, that's all it is. You can have as much sex as you want, but the more you do, the more you realise something is missing in your life. I'm not against dating and relationships, far from it. Just not with these guys. I know what I want, I know the kind of guy I want, in fact I have someone in mind and I'm hoping to see him soon. Not sure how easy it will be to make a go of things, being that we live in different cities, but i'd like to see how things can be worked out, if that's even possible. Maybe not now, but at some point. One thing I do know is that I like him, and I miss him, and I can't wait to see him again :)

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Being Gay In The Orthodox World

I know a post about part 2 of my coming out is due, but this is news and thought it should be blogged about. I'm sure lots people who read this blog either attended the event at Yeshiva University, or have already read about it. But this is for everyone else. Kol hakavod to the panelists, it really took alot of guts to get up there and say what you did.

Being Gay In The Orthodox World: A Conversation with Members of the YU Community, was hosted by the YU Tolerance Club and Wurzweiler School of Social Work. Of course I wasn't in New York but had I been, I would've liked to have been there. I'm not really going to talk much about it. I just thought I'd put this out there, and see what everyone else thinks.

Here's a link to the transcript found on another blog The Curious Jew.

Alot can be lost in a written transcript, so here are some links to videos taken of the event - click here.

Finally here are some links to the media attention it received.

The Jerusalem Post

The Jewish Star

The YU Commentator

Now it's all out there, this is only the beginning, i can assure you. I'd love to know what my readers think of the whole thing.


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Coming Out Part 1

I know there's no way i can possibly do this post justice, it's been a good few weeks and there's just so much that has happened it's going to be a struggle to try to remember all of it, but i'll give it my best.

Where do i even begin?! I never planned it this way, but it happened. You all know about the things that were going on behind the scenes and the fact that I knew all about them. It seemed that they were just trying to come up with a way to approach me about it, or at least hope that I would finally just tell them. My mother started asking questions and essentially gave me a 24 hour deadline to give her some answers. Yeah thanks mum. I started things rolling by having a chat to my sister and sending regards from a friend of mine that she'd called after going thru my mobile phone bill. Yeah that's right, i knew all about it!

Later that day i just thought fuck it, and spilled the beans to my mum. Obviously while she knew already she didn't really understand what it meant. How did I know? Had something happened to me? Some of her major concerns were:
did I want to change? (clearly she'd been in touch with my siblings about this);
she was worried about me getting AIDS since obviously i'd have multiple partners; she was concerned about me not having kids and 'continuity', whatever the hell that meant;
she was also concerned about me mixing with non jewish gay people. I do want to make some gay friends around here, whats the difference if they're jewish or not?!
But don't I want kids? Isn't that enough reason to see if you can try and change? She also made mention of someone calling me from the US but when she answered the phone they gave a name and hung up on her.

Later that night, we ended up having a family meeting. My siblings were brought up to speed by my mother, and it turned into a huge discussion. The who, what, how, why and when. They admitted to going through my phone bill, seeing who I've been calling, but said it only began because it was noticed i'd used my phone on shabbat (like that's an excuse?!?)

My father barely said a word, except for forbidding me from contacting this gay non-jewish friend i'd made. As if i'd break off contact because he decided so. Gimme a break! Things certainly got heated, good thing there were others there to calm him down, because there was no way I was backing down!

Obviously they got all emotional, because I explained to them I couldn't/wouldn't stay religious, and obviously would leave the community at some point. Things sort of improved from there, I was told that they'd accept me, and they wanted me to stay because no-one was throwing me out.

They mentioned therapy and getting help to change but I wasn't interested. I gave my whole spiel about that kind of stuff, and obviously they weren't prepared for me to be so against it, but I know more about it than they do. I've done my research, I know people who have gone through it, and it's something that I don't believe can really work, nor do I think the possible negative reactions to it are worth it.

I thought things went ok and later that night I spoke to my mum, and I honestly can't remember the last time we'd had such an honest and open talk. It was really great and she seemed to be ok with things, even though she didn't quite 'get it'.

So much more to be revealed in part 2! The highs, the lows, and the real crazy stuff!