Thursday, October 30, 2008


Checking my stats I see i've gotten some new visitors recently. You can always tell when someone is new to the blog, cos if they find it interesting they read through all the archives. So to my new readers I'd like to say welcome. And to everyone else reading around the world, i'm glad you stick around. Besides the usual suspects, the US, the UK, Canada, Australia, Germany and Israel, I get hits from interesting places too. Places that I wouldn't expect like Saudi Arabia, Algeria, Trinidad and Tobago, and Iran of all places where there are no gay people, lol. So to all my readers i'd like to say thanks. Thanks for reading, thanks for voting in my polls, and above all thanks for commenting (i love the feedback!). And if you haven't commented before, there's no time like the present, and yes you can stay anonymous if u wish.



A friend of mine suggested we play Scrabulous (and online scrabble game) on facebook. I'm not a good scrabble player. In fact i barely play it in real life. But hey, who am i to turn down a challenge? I played him a few times and lost, of course. It looked like he was making up words. I mean really, azlon? Dimp? Gimme a break! But now there's a reall scrabble application. And he asked for a game. Of course I wouldn't say no. And i won :) Ever since then i've been hungry for more. I'm learning new tricks, how to get huge scoring words, how to use the double and triple letter and word scores. Now I want to play it more than him. I have to nudge him to take his turn, lol. Maybe he's finally seeing some competition and doesn't want to lose too many games too quickly. I say game on!


More late night porn, lol

Yeah i know it's late but i just finished watching this from Chaosmen. Slade fucks Degan.

click here (and don't click if you're underage or offended by such images that may appear)

They're not exactly the hottest looking guys around, but they've got good bods, and the passion you see throughout the vid is really cool :)


Sunday, October 26, 2008

Friends and facebook... or facebook and friends

So i've been chatting with a guy i met on craigslist. He was looking for friends, so was I. Sounds perfect. So i told him a bit about me, he told me a bit about himself. I tell him where i'm from. His ex is from the same place that i am. I'm intrigued. Maybe I know his ex. In fact i probably do. Do i know he is gay? Do i even ask? With a few vague details i think i'll take a stab at it. Is the first letter of the first name X? Is the first letter of his last name X? "How do u know?" I know everyone lol. We chat a bit more. It seems he has visited my hometown before, and met up with some other nice gay jewish boys. In fact he thinks i'm one of them, playing a trick on him. "Is this XXXXXX? YYYYYY?" No but now i'm shocked. he knows more gay jewish boys in my hometown than I do! I know a couple guys named XXXXXX. Is it one of them? It probably is. If he gives me the age i could prob tell who it is. But he's not giving me anything. He's given too much already. And the sad thing is it'd be great to have someone to chat to, someone i know, that happens to be gay too. But I know he's not going to tell me any more. I don't even bother asking. So what do i do? I can't exactly ask them straight up if they're gay. Do i get him to pass a message along like we're in second grade? I guess i'll have to chat some more with him then.

A similar topic is facebook. I have come out to a few guys who I was friendly with on my fake profile, and have since added them to my real profile as friends. I thought of telling another guy who I was and i searched for him and found that we have friends in common. He's friends with a cousin of mine. So where do we go from here? Is he out? If he's out, then my cousin may know and then the question might be asked how do i know him. If he's not out, what if he comes out, again how do i know him? Do i meet random people in the street that happen to be gay and add them on facebook? lol. Maybe having gay friends on my real profile isn't such a smart idea while i'm in the closet. I also had someone remove me as a friend because he was concerned about the same thing, so i'm not the only one who is paranoid, lol.


Friday, October 24, 2008

My life undercover, pt.2

This may seem a bit jumpy, but i write as things pop into my head, so bear with me. Thanks

I could say the internet is where i got most of my 'material' and info from. It was also the reason i nearly got caught a few times. Once i was on and needed a credit card to prove i was legal to view the stuff. I used my mother's card and accidentally went too far and must've agreed to join because i was suddenly a member. Shit! I freaked out and emailed them saying i mistakenly joined, please cancel, which they did, gladly. Though the credit card statement arrived and there was a charge for playgirl . com. Of course they had no clue what it was and it didn't click that it was something internet related, but since there was a credit too they didn't look into it to much.

Another time i had signed up to a service (free of course) that would send daily emails to you with some pics and a hot story. Of course once i didn't clear the history from my browser and my brother saw it. He asked me about it and i blamed a friend of his (long story which will prob come later). I guess he bought it, or didn't really want to know.

Ok i think i need to steer away from porn and actually talk about my life. My family is quite religious and therefore strict in certain senses. I went to an all boys school (yay) and had a crush on another student in my year. I was a good kid, i did well in school, i was a school prefect, everything was going well. In my world, being ultra religious means limited contact with people of the opposite sex, other than family, so not only did i not have a girlfriend, it was expected that i wouldn't - another bonus, lol.

After i finished high school i went to study in various yeshivahs around the world. In every location there was someone i had the hots for, and tended to gravitate towards them and hang arounf them/their dorm room, being very friendly. This allowed me to see them in various states of undress, lol. Yeah i'm a horny bastard what can i say. In one place i got pretty close with a bunch of girls . I looked at it as though we were friends, but others weren't impressed with my actions. It's funny how girls have a gay best friend, thats sort of what it was like, but not to others who chose to create problems for me because of it.

That's my general background, but what about my life now? Life isn't bad. I'm at the age where i'm supposed to be married already, and if not married, then dating looking for the one. So i date a bit, i don't have any other option. I live in a city where the jewish community is fairly small and not that open minded, at least not on these issues. I'd love to move away to a place where i could be myself, yet i'd hate to be away from my family and friends. Some people say when you come out you find out who your real friends are, but i'm not ready for anything that drastic. For me to do something like that i'd need to have an escape plan in place, because i'll probably feel like escaping from here once people start to find out the truth. Until then, i'm going to be living my life as i've been living it until now... in the closet.

Leo is back!

Here's another Leo vid i just finished watching. It was so hot i couldn't watch it all at once ;) It's Leo getting fucked by David Taylor on Jake Cruise. Tattoos don't usually do it for me but on this guy it just works well. And he's cute too :) Enjoy the pics.

click here and again don't click if underage or offended by such imagery


Monday, October 20, 2008

My life undercover Pt.1

So what's my life undercover like? It's a bit hard to answer that question without any background so i think i'll start at the begining. I grew up in a regular orthodox household. Some people would probably call us ultra orthodox. 2 parents, a few siblings, no pets, lol. I did all the stuff nice jewish boys do. I went to a jewish day school, followed by a number of yeshivahs and then to college. Pretty much the whole shebang. I've known i was attracted to guys from around 13 years of age. Of course back then I didn't have much material to satisfy my curiosity. I used to look at shopping catalogues checking out the hot male models and usually before summer there'd be some in a minimal amount of clothing. I jerked off alot too, lol.

At night in bed I used to pray and made a deal with god that if he made me straight, i'd be a better kid and stop doing all the things i 'wasn't' supposed to be doing. But he didn't keep his side of the deal and neither did I. Before the internet was so widespread, i used to call gay chat and story lines with fake credit card numbers and just listen. I used to go to newstands and stores where they sell magazines and I would have a perve. Gay magazines (not the X rated ones ;) ) and workout mags with pics of hot muscled men in them. I remember the first one i actually bought. It was Men's Workout and I hid it in my bedroom and used to look at it all the time.

The internet was a major eye opener for me. was a major hangout, Of course I had to be careful as everything was done on the family computer. I used to go online late at night when everyone was asleep. I closed all the doors so no-one would hear the noises of my old dialup modem. I often went to nifty and just loaded story after story. This would be saved in my history as text files and i would then use Xtree Gold (wow that is so old!) to copy the text files onto blank floppy disks and then delete my internet history. Then I could use a file reader to read the story and no-one would be any wiser.

While my visits to nifty ebb and flow and continue to this day, I graduated to . This is where I had links and access to pictures. Many many pictures. I was addicted.

Wow this isn't going quite where I thought it would, but I think its enough for part 1.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

More TV hotties

I thought i'd leave this as an open forum. What do you want me to talk about? Just write it in the comments section. You can be anonymous if you wish, ask me anything you want. And while you're at it, spend a couple of seconds to vote in my poll in the top right corner.

While you're thinking about it, here are some more hot guys from TV. Enjoy :)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Another excuse for a post :)

Besides the fact that i had save a couple hot pics that i wanted to post, i thought i'd add a poll. I wanted to get some kind of idea as to who my readers are. I know some of you, but others not at all. While i happen to be Jewish and quite/sort of/a bit religious and i discuss my life from that perspective, now that i've been posting for about 8 months or so, I'm very curious to what kind of readers i have. Not the ones i know about but the ones that still visit yet i know nothing about

Anyway, enjoy the pics and have a great week/weekend/moed/chag

Sunday, October 12, 2008

I need more sleep!

Thats right, i need more sleep! Everyone thinks i sleep too much. But it's not true, i'm just up really really late, chatting to people from all over the world, watching tv shows online, watching porn (lol), and in general just enjoying the peace and quiet that comes with everyone else being asleep. I used to catch up on my sleep on weekends, when i 'couldn't' be online, but now that nothing is stopping me, i just don't have the time. So i thought i'd share one of my new favorite porn vids. It's by Randy Blue, Leo and Colby and here's a few pics from it.

click here (unless you're too young or may be offended)

Colby is alright, but Leo is HOT!!!! Like on fire kind of hot! Wouldn't mind if he knocked on my front door :)

Anyway, i gotta head off. Enjoy the pics and the porn and i'll catch you later.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I wish i didn't have to post this...

It is Erev Yom Kippur, the eve of the Jewish Day of Atonement, the most solemn and the holiest Jewish Holiday in the calendar. My mother was admitted to hospital today, and i'm asking for the world to pray for her. Whether you believe in a god or not, it can't hurt to have her in your thoughts.

Thanks and god bless you all.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Nice ad

It's an old one, but funny, yet cute, with a serious message, and i love the song too!

And it's connected to what I want to write about! Safe sex. A hot topic, at least in my mind ;)

Of course safe sex is all most people talk about. Use a condom! Most people have told me to make sure i use a condom when i get laid. which makes sense and i'm not stupid, not gonna whore myself out to the world and play dangerously, lol. Obviously if you're in a committed relationship and you're both clean, then one could do it bareback.

But it's something i think i'd like to try. I asked 1 of the guys i plan on playing with, he said he only plays safe. But i asked him about bareback, and he said that he's clean (got tested recently cos he did some medical) but he'd leave it up to me. On one hand we've gotten so close, and there's so much personal stuff that he's told me about that he hasn't told his closest friends. I trust him, i really do. Obviously i'd have to come to terms with all the what ifs, but it's definitely something i'm considering.

No-one told me to go for it. Some said never play bareback with someone you don't really know. Others said said only if i feel comfortable with it. I guess like with everything i'll have to wait and see.


My 'type'?!?

I've been asked numerous times what my type is. I wasn't sure i had a type. I like hot guys, lol. Can that be a type? Since i don't date at all, i can't tell you about the type of guys i've dated. What about the porn i download you may ask? Well i usually start off with the most seeded files and look at the pics of the certain video. If the pics do it for me then good, otherwise i'll skip it. So there tends to be a selection of short movies of the corbin fisher/sean cody/chaos men type, plus a selection of longer movies with a 'storyline' (yeah if porn can have a storyline!). Category wise, i first go thru jocks and hunks and then move on to others.

One thing i've noticed however is with the guys i'm really into. Guys i've chatted with and gotten quite close with almost to the point of falling for them. They always seem to be in their mid-30s. And they all happen to be in relationships. And they all at some point have some relationship problems. Now what the hell is up with that? Breaking up, getting back together, "why doesn't he listen to me? Why is he so inconsiderate? I hate him!" I seriously don't know why i'm so into these guys. And it's not like i hear they're in a relationship and then i'm into them, it's always the ones i fall for that turn out to be taken, or semi taken, or sort of broken up but getting back together, or wanting to break up. it's crazy! I'm glad they feel comfortable enough that they can open up to me, but really what advice can they expect from me? I'm Mr 'closested and never been in a relationship'. This last guy i've been chatting to is in the middle of a longish relationship, like 5+ years. He says the first year was great, but the rest have sucked. I so want to tell him that he should've dumped the guy years ago if he's such a bastard. But is it my place to criticise or give him such 'practical' advice.

At least one of them is going to read this and i wonder how mad he'll be at me. My first guy. The first guy i fell for. The first guy i did lots of things with. I was so into him that when i heard he was having issues i thought maybe they'd break up so i could have him. Yeah like i had a chance, lol. Another guy has no clue how into him i am. But he's not single either. We're in contact every now and then which is fun :)

Wait another thing that turns me on is hair. I really get into guys with short trimmed beards or other facial hair. Thats a real turn on. That and chest hair. Again, not too much, just enough to be really hot! Lol, maybe i should include some pics. So here are some. Enjoy. (the last one is another hottie :) )

I think i should post pics more often! Thanks to Someinatree for the pics!


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Wow! What a response!

Given the huge response to my last post, i decided to come up with my own stuff to write about.

I had a dream yesterday. I was supposed to be starring in a porno. Until the director saw me with no clothes on. No washboard stomach. No abs. And i got cut from the film. No big loss, i mean do i really want my fat ass plastered all over websites? Well yeah if it looked like some porn star with a great body! Nah I think porn is definitely not for me, only watching it, and dreaming about starring in it.

Another topic for tonight is getting caught. I think i posted before that i've been doing quite alot of things I shouldn't be doing. Well from a jewish religious perspective. Besides the usual jacking off, watching porn, cyber sex stuff, i think i've mentioned before i've been doing other things too, like breaking the sabbath and jewish holidays. As long as I don't get caught, then things are ok. If i get caught, well all hell breaks loose. When i do this it's usually i'm online in my room, chatting, blogging, watching tv shows or porn, or text messaging from my phone. It has happened once that I woke up about 6am one sabbath morning, before anyone had woken up and my laptop was still on my bed from the night before, still on. I must've fallen asleep like that. I'm so glad i managed to get rid of it before someone else saw it there. But this week on rosh hashana, a similar thing happened. I was woken up by someone opening my door. Thank god they didn't walk in because my laptop was on my bed again with my cellphone. It was closed and off, but still a very compromising position, and one that i wouldnt have been able to wiggle myself out of.

Lastly i want to talk about marriage. Other people's marriages for once, not my own. One of my sisters recently got married. The wedding was amazing! But it hit me on what it is i'm going to be missing out on. Family and friends celebrating something special. It's one thing i don't think i'm going to get to experience. And it upsets me. I have no idea how anyone will react to me being gay. Will family or friends reject me? Will i miss out on seeing my nephews, nieces and cousins growing up? And there's nothing i can do about it.

I also feel like i've lost my best friend. Out of all my siblings she was the one i was closest to. If she had any questions, she'd usually ask me for advice. Dating advice, work advice, how to ask her boss for a raise, clothing and fashion advice - what to buy, what outfit to wear, what shoes look better, lol. I'd often meet her at her office and go out for lunch. We were really close. Well we are still are really close, and he husband is a really nice guy and i'm very happy for them. But i miss her. He is now her confidant. She hangs out with him, rather than with me. It's like i've lost the one thing closest to me.

Enough writing for now, have a great day/evening/night