Thursday, July 31, 2008

What a great day!

Today I went out with some cousins visiting from overseas. We went out for lunch and then went ice skating. That may not seem like much to most people but I really enjoyed myself, and it has been too long since i can remember a day where i really had alot of fun :) Here's to more fun days ahead.


Sunday, July 27, 2008

I got asked out on a date :)

Well i didn't, 'jay' did. Which is a first for me. It's also kind of weird. What do you tell someone who has just asked you out on a date thinking you are someone else? He found me on facebook in a gay jewish group. I told him i wasn't who he thought i was, and slowly revealed more info about myself, to the stage where i've now directed him to my real profile. I haven't heard back from him... yet, but i know i know, no judging slow responses as anything more than that. He seems like a cool guy :) . He is 10 years older than me, so he's probably looking to settle down while i'm only tying to start beginning my life as a gay man. But i'd like to see where it goes, even if we only end up having 1 date, i'm sure we'll have fun. We do come from different backgrounds, and he's in NY, and i won't back there for a few months, so that gives us some time to get to know each other better :)

Another thing that I did recently which was very out of the ordinary, was that I posted an ad in the personals section of craigslist NYC. I wasn't seriously looking for a hookup just yet, especially since i'm not in NYC right now, but i guess I was just testing the waters, seeing whats out there. I got quite a few responses which I am pleased about. Gay closeted jewish guys sure come out of the woodwork once you post on craigslist! lol.

One thing that i am a bit concerned about is that most people who know my real identity, are people i have found online, who are not jewish. I seem to have this fear of letting jewish people know who i really am. Not that they'd out me or anything, but i guess i'm concerned about the jewish geography side. I'm sure they'd know someone who knows someone who knows me (yeah i know it sounds crazy! and if you don't know what i mean google it) and i'm concerned about it accidentally getting out when i'm not ready for that yet. Coming out and sending a pic to people who responded to my craigslist ad is also a bit weird. I have no idea who these guys are, and since i'm not there anyway there's nothing i can do but take a raincheck even if i really wanted to go ahead with it.

i'm off,

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Everything in life ebbs and flows

I've been going through so many emotions recently. Happiness and sadness, excitement and anger. There are lots of things happening in my life, and i've come to realise that for the most part i can't control it. What happens, happens and i shouldn't give up on anyone or anything because life is like a wheel, and if things look really down right now, it's only a matter of time before things look up. A case in point is my previous post. There were these 2 guys i had been chatting to. I thought that they'd dissappeared on me. But like everything else, chats with my newfound friends ebbs and flows. Some days they'll be tens of messages or chats going back and forth, sometimes there'll be days without any. But i know that they will come back to me, eventually. Which means when i wake up and have no emails waiting for me, all it takes is time and it will come good.

Have a good night,
Jay :)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Is it really worth it?

I just don't get it. Am i too trusting, or do I just scare people off? Why the hell would someone give you their MSN or AIM if they have no bloody intention to chat with you. There are 2 guys in particular, people i've come clean to. Suddenly thats almost the end of it, well a 99% slowdown. No emails, no messages, no chats, no replies. And they seemed like really nice guys too :( Are hot gay guys really such a-holes? Or is it just me? I'm at a point where I really have to ask myself why I put myself out there, time and time again. Is it really worth it?

New blogs

Hi Everyone,

I've put some more blogs in my blog list that i'm an avid reader of. You'll probably notice that in addition to quite a few personal gay blogs, i put up some foodie ones too! I love good food more than anything. If i could I'd probably watch the food network 24/7. It seems lots of international chefs make it big on TV, you've got the americans, the brits and the up and coming aussies (curtis stone is a hottie!). And one of my favorite shows is Top Chef on Bravo. Even though most of the recipes i probably couldn't reproduce since it's not kosher, i still love watching it :)

Anyway, catch you later,

Monday, July 14, 2008

A new friend

Well i met someone. Not face to face, but online. Turns out he's from the same place I am. Which is good in a way, but bad in a way. Good to know there are others who i may actually know of, but bad in that i'm too scared to tell him who i am. I'd love to show him this blog, but i'm sure he'll be able to figure out who i am from what i've posted. We discussed lots of things, but it was hard to talk about certain things since he had no idea who i was and tried to leave out certain things that would help him identify me.

Ah well, the life of the closeted.

Oh and hi to my new readers :) You know who you are

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Friends? What friends?

I feel like i'm losing my friends :( I don't know what it is. I used to speak/chat/email with them much more than i do right now. I know they're prob busy rather than don't want to chat, but it doesn't make me feel any better. In other news i'm finding new friends :) I seem to be more ok at telling people who I am. Not people in my life, but people who think they know Jay. It's a start i guess.


Saturday, July 5, 2008

Im yirtzah hashem badir

Im yirtzah hashem badir. It's a yiddish expression which basically translates to 'god willing by you'. It is a wish often said to single people, especially when someone gets engaged or married, and also couples without kids, especially when someone else has a child. Of course everyone means well, but i've had enough of it.

A sibling of mine got engaged recently, which is great news! But every person who wishes me mazel tov, says im yirtzah hashem badir, and i mean EVERY person. Friends, relatives, grandparents, everyone. when you get it 10, 15, 20 times a day, you don't want to hear about it any more. The worst is when i'm speaking with one of my grandparents who is losing their memory. In one conversation i'm probably told it or something similar 3 or 4 times.

Something tells me they're not referring to a male partner ;)


Thursday, July 3, 2008

Poll Results

And the results are in! The question was: Lets say i was your facebook friend, and one day i told you i wasn't really Jay, and showed you who I really was, how would you react?

Ok cool, now I want to get to know the real you
8 (34%)
I guess i understand, we can give it a shot
11 (47%)
Sorry but i don't think i could be friends with someone who has lied to me this whole time
1 (4%)
No way! Fuck off and don't contact me again
3 (13%)

I guess i wasn't sure what to expect, it's heartening to know that 82% of you would give me another chance. And while i understand the other 18%, well it'd be nice for them to give guys like me a go. It's hard enough coming out to people, without having them reject you when you do :(