This may seem a bit jumpy, but i write as things pop into my head, so bear with me. Thanks
I could say the internet is where i got most of my 'material' and info from. It was also the reason i nearly got caught a few times. Once i was on playgirl.com and needed a credit card to prove i was legal to view the stuff. I used my mother's card and accidentally went too far and must've agreed to join because i was suddenly a member. Shit! I freaked out and emailed them saying i mistakenly joined, please cancel, which they did, gladly. Though the credit card statement arrived and there was a charge for playgirl . com. Of course they had no clue what it was and it didn't click that it was something internet related, but since there was a credit too they didn't look into it to much.
Another time i had signed up to a service (free of course) that would send daily emails to you with some pics and a hot story. Of course once i didn't clear the history from my browser and my brother saw it. He asked me about it and i blamed a friend of his (long story which will prob come later). I guess he bought it, or didn't really want to know.
Ok i think i need to steer away from porn and actually talk about my life. My family is quite religious and therefore strict in certain senses. I went to an all boys school (yay) and had a crush on another student in my year. I was a good kid, i did well in school, i was a school prefect, everything was going well. In my world, being ultra religious means limited contact with people of the opposite sex, other than family, so not only did i not have a girlfriend, it was expected that i wouldn't - another bonus, lol.
After i finished high school i went to study in various yeshivahs around the world. In every location there was someone i had the hots for, and tended to gravitate towards them and hang arounf them/their dorm room, being very friendly. This allowed me to see them in various states of undress, lol. Yeah i'm a horny bastard what can i say. In one place i got pretty close with a bunch of girls . I looked at it as though we were friends, but others weren't impressed with my actions. It's funny how girls have a gay best friend, thats sort of what it was like, but not to others who chose to create problems for me because of it.
That's my general background, but what about my life now? Life isn't bad. I'm at the age where i'm supposed to be married already, and if not married, then dating looking for the one. So i date a bit, i don't have any other option. I live in a city where the jewish community is fairly small and not that open minded, at least not on these issues. I'd love to move away to a place where i could be myself, yet i'd hate to be away from my family and friends. Some people say when you come out you find out who your real friends are, but i'm not ready for anything that drastic. For me to do something like that i'd need to have an escape plan in place, because i'll probably feel like escaping from here once people start to find out the truth. Until then, i'm going to be living my life as i've been living it until now... in the closet.
8 hours ago