I can't say I didn't have it coming to me. First I was warned, then i was busted, and now i'm screwed. Well i thought I was. I spent the day freaking out. Someone I had revealed myself to decided I wasn't worth keeping a secret for. And he was right. Over the last few days i had revealed myself to a number of people. The all seemed to take the news ok. But one by one it became clear that they weren't interested in being friends. They may not have said it, but they didn't need to. There wasn't going to be any friendship or chatting. They may have been friends with Jay, but Jay didn't really exist. That pic? Not me. The name? Made up. My fb profile? Fake.
Yes I may have had my reasons. I am closeted, and aren't ready to show people who i really am. But it didn't change the fact. I had lied. I had manipulated. I had done things I wished I hadn't. The thing I wanted the most, friendship, i had managed to royally screw up. These people did not have friendships with me, they had friendships with Jay. And when Jay dissappears, so does the friendship. But there have been a handful that have stood by me. People that i trust. People that i can rely on if my world starts crumbling and need some help. One could argue all day whether the end justified the means. But i'm not here to argue.
So here I am. Not Jay. Just a nobody. And this nobody owes 2000 odd people an apology. I'm sorry. There's nothing more I can say.
I think i may post this to facebook someday soon. I fully expect my 'friend' count to drop and continue dropping. And i will live with the consequences, whatever they may be.
4 hours ago