I said I was going to do it, so I did it. I finally came out to my sister before I left New York. Yes I was freaking out, I don't think i've ever been so nervous. I prefaced what I told her with some things about girls i've dated so she knew whatever I was trying to tell her was related to that. When she saw how hard it was for me to get it out, she started guessing. Was I dating the african american girl who i was friends with and had pictures of her in my facebook album? No. Did I want to date girls from outside our community? No. Eventually I explained that the problem why the girls I was dating weren't working out, wasn't just because I was being set up with real losers. At which point she thought she knew what I was talking about, but I had yet to say the words. She said she thought she might know what I was trying to say but it couldn't could be. She said she'd guess, but if she was wrong, i had to promise to forget she ever guessed what she had in mind. I put us both of our misery and said it. Yeah. I'm gay.
She was pretty much in shock. What do you mean? You just haven't found the right girl yet. How could you know if you've never done anything with a girl before? I put us both at a disadvantage because as much as I tried to explain it to her, that it's not just something in my mind, but a physical thing, I didn't want to be going into graphic detail with the information. I didn't need to start telling her the things i'd done with guys, nor did I need to tell her just yet i'd even dated guys.
"So you're saying you want to sleep with men?" I don't even know how I answered that question. Yes, maybe, i dunno. How the hell am I supposed to tell my sister yes I want to sleep with men and have already been doing it?!
A positive thing I did get from her though was she asked what my future plans were. I didn't know. Did I plan on telling my parents? My siblings? At some point yeah, I guess. But I really had no idea where life was going to take me. She told me straight out, don't think you can just run away and forget about us. We are your family and we want you as part of our lives. No matter what you are.
If only I knew that's the reaction i'd get from everyone.
9 hours ago