Sunday, February 22, 2009

Things hopefully never to be repeated in my lifetime #1

First and foremost it would be to have a repeat of tonight. I was horny, and I'm in israel, so I thought maybe i'd hookup with someone here. I had no idea how i'd do it. I searched for gay venues in tel aviv and jerusalem. I found a few places, but wasn't sure about it. I looked on facebook, man i've got some hot israeli friends! lol. And of course i mentioned it on my status. Someone comments to check out an israeli website. I registered, even paid for the month to get a full membership so it doesn't die on me like manhunt after a few profile views. Things started off slowly, i didn't think anything was gonna happen tonight.

I found a few guys i liked the look of. One i sent my facepic to and he wasn't interested. Yeah i know i can't expect everyone to be into me, but that hurt. Didn't think anything would happen and sort of made other plans for the night. Then i started getting messages from people. Quite a few people. One wanted me to send him my pic first. Since i'm not out i chose not to and asked him to send one first. He balked and that was that. There were two others, one sent me a pic, he looked alright, and was older than i was looking for. There was another guy who wanted a pic and I preferred to see if this went anywhere. Unfortunately he logged off before i sent my message. So it was just the other guy who had a chance. It was getting late enough that i'd miss the last train into Tel Aviv so i decided to go for it. I got his address, directions, and off i went.

I got to his place and called his cell. He came down to meet me. We went up to his apartment. Everything started off slowly. Things were ok, we were kissing on his bed and getting naked, and then somewhere in the middle suddenly i started to feel weird and completely not into it. I don't know what it was, i never saw a body pic so I don't know what I was expecting. I just didn't find him the least bit interesting. I didn't want to be there, and was regretting signing up for the website in the first place. Of course everyone will say i should've just gone, but i didn't. I stayed. I actually came pretty quickly thanks to a finger playing with my ass, and that should've been my way out. Leave damnit! But i stayed. It's not as if someone has never backed out of sex before, right?

I stayed until the time i had to leave to make the last train back. I got dressed and he walked me out. He told me he had my email address and to keep in touch. As i walked to the train I felt dirty. I smelled him on me and I was disgusted by it. I smelled my hands, i smelled my clothes and all i wanted was a shower to get rid of it all. I felt nauseous.

I don't know why I felt this way. And it must sound so retarded to you guys. It's not like I was a rape victim or anything, but I came home and had a long hot shower. I don't think i've had such a good clean in a long while. I just had to get that smell off. And then i blocked his profile from contacting me.

Now what do I do? Do i forget this ever happened and stay away from internet hookups? Do i just get more picky when it comes to hooking up? Do i stick to bars for meeting people where I can actually size the person up before choosing whether to go home with them? Do i go back on the site tomorrow, hoping for a good experience that may help me forget the bad? I just have no idea.

This is one post i'd definitely love to get people's thoughts on. Even if u haven't commented before, please do, and you can do so anonymously too :)

j

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

if i were you i'd just be a bit more picky with the internet hook ups. and perhaps try to socializea bit before instead of just hooking up. you're a social guy and i think you'd benefit from having a convo or some sort of connection before

Bobby said...

I'm sorry to hear about that handsome, but it was bound to happen sometime. It happens to most of us and I had something similar happen to me. In my case I decided to make the most of it and really regretted it afterwards. I was very naive then and thankfully it hasn't happened since.
In the future you should hold back a bit and think things through. You don't have to sleep with guys you don't really fancy just because you're horny. You are handsome and hot so you have the upper hand! lol
Like anon said being picky helps a lot. Just don't get too picky! :)

M said...

I've met guys clubbing that I've been really into at the club, but then just gotten the same feeling about that you got when we've ended up in bed. I guess it just happens sometimes! Or maybe in my case I've been more into them in the flattering darkness of a club and before I've started sobering up.

In your case it could have been that you were so set on gettin some, that you choosed to lower/change your criteria a bit!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, this is why I usually find Jews so annoying. MAN THE FUCK UP! If you don't want to do something, don't do it. Period. Don't go half way through and then get guilty/second thoughts etc. GEEZE! Whine whine whine.

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

Just give yourself some time, and the whole thing will seem a lot less awful. When you're first experimenting with sex with men, every little thing takes on a larger significance than it probably should. In a couple of days, you'll be in a better position to reflect on the situation rationally and draw appropriate lessons.

Anonymous said...

gosh Sunshine,
why you have to go thru this hellÉ
(getting judged by anonimous morons...i know i wont be able to stand it....and thatès worse than the experience you described)

Look at it in more phylosophical angle:itès experience, therefore youèll learn something from it...the least it will help you getting to know better your inner self.
and again: i do admire your braveness going thru the torture of getting hammered by people who think they know you...

Anonymous said...

hey sweetie. this has happened to me many times. i know what u feel like, to not want this guy and then have his stench on u. it just means you should takes things slower next time. just b/c ure horny doesnt always mean u need to fuck. u can jerk off or do s/t to distract u. and if u really want a guy, make sure u know him a little more first. it sounds like u rlly didnt want him even from the beginning. so dont cheapen ureself to just anyone- get someone worth it!

Jay said...

Thanks for the comments. Yeah i don't think i'll give it up completely, just be more picky and maybe not do it that often.

That being said, i'm kind of the reason i find jews annoying too!

Anonymous said...

Jews are the only people who whine?

Maybe Jews just get more publicity from other Jews perpetuating the stereotype.

Everybody who's confused, going through shit, feeling alienated, stressed, young, old, whines.

One of the reasons why there are blogs -- so people can whine.

Jay said...

not sure if that was directed at me... but i was kidding!

Anonymous said...

The whine comment was directed at my fellow anon's comment above The Neighbors will hear.
I kinda figured you were kidding.
I just get tired of joking about whiney Jews.
I've seldom found a personal blog where the blogger doesn't "whine" about something.
We don't own a monopoly.
Having second thoughts is a way of life for everybody.

Dave in Oz said...

These things will happen - you were just unlucky. If you feel you can, try it again. Not being able to size up the guy in person will always expose you to an event like this, but you have to go with your gut. I've tried the internet hook-up thing a few times - they were OK, but I think I prefer the real-time meetings. Hope you have better luck soon.

Jay said...

yeah i def prefer real life meetings :) . Thats how i met my last NYC guy, and we're gonna hook up again when i get back

Anonymous said...

Good sex/fun sex/hot sex is usually about the chemistry between the guys involved. It can be really difficult to determine if the chemistry is right. Maybe it is easier for some guys online/in the bar/etc. You will have to figure out what works for you.

Give yourself some time. Do not beat yourself up for making a mistake but do make certain that you learn at least a little something from it. Always trust your feelings -- if things feel wierd, unsafe, "not right" it is okay to remove yourself from the situation. Take care of yourself and be safe!!!

David said...

Welcome to buyers remorse, a common symptom of having an active sex life. Like everyone else who has commented here (accept the anonymous coward who went on an anti-Semitic tirade) I agree that these things sometimes happen. You'll learn how and when to extricate yourself and this also won't be the last time you realize after saying "yes" that "no" would have been the better answer. Shake it off and keep moving forward, kiddo.