Monday, March 31, 2008

Facebonk and Coming Out

Facebook is great! I absolutely love it. My life is on facebook. Family, friends, if i go on vacation, check out my pics on facebook. I haven't yet reached the stage when if introduced to someone i'll ask if they're on facebook, though i have some friends who do that, so i just add them that way, lol. Thats my real life facebook profile.

Then i have my fake profile. Lots of hot guy as friends, hot gay groups, the works, everything i'd be scared of doing on my real profile. I have these great chats with these hot guys, and its alot of fun. But what happens when someone wants to take things to the next step?

There is only 1 guy who knows the real me. I don't know why i came out to him, but i just felt comfortable chatting with him, like i could share this huge secret, and somehow get this huge weight off my shoulder. And it worked out great (he's the guy i mentioned in my last post about facebook). But it doesn't always turn out like that. You chat with random guys, find out about their life, where they're from, what they do. There was one other guy, he said he was a model (well ex-model, he'd left the industry and wasn't completely out), and once i told him Jay wasn't really Jay, he kind of went ballistic, well not ballistic, but it was kind of like "after everything i told you about me...." until i had to say back that i didn't even know his name, only that his pic was hot! That contact fizzled out i guess after that. We still poke each other every now and then, lol, but thats about it.

I guess that showed me the different ways my coming out to people could turn out. I've had people message me, wanting to hook up, or just head out for a drink. And there's nothing wrong with that and normally i'd have no problems going out for a drink. But how do you tell someone that this guy they've been chatting to all this time, well he doesn't exist. Those pics? He found them on a blog somewhere. Still wanna head out for a drink? I make up excuse after excuse about why i can't. I'm busy, sick, outta town, overseas, working, studying, got a boyfriend. Eventually they give up and think i'm not interested. But they're wrong, i'm sooooooo interested, but who knows how they'll take things? Will it blow up in my face?

I just had someone email me. He's a guy i've chatted with every now and then on fb. He's hot! He knows i think he's hot. He wants to know more about me. He lives in a different country, so i'm not worried he'll show up on my doorstep expecting someone else. But where do you go from here? How do i expect to make any real friendships or relationships when i'm hiding who i am from everyone who wants to try and get close?


Anonymous said...

Hon, I don't think I've explained this to you in as many words, I hope you mind, but I remember the moment when you told me who you were - the real you. I still have the email somewhere and flick back to it from time to time. I remember feeling that suddenly after all those months of "getting to know each other" after all we'd spoken about that none of it seemed real any more. I received your email at work and it knocked me about, if only for a moment.

But then, it's easy for me to say. I've been gay and out for well over 1/2 of my life and unlike you, being gay is easy for me. Yes mother I know you still don't like it but I don't actually care.

I digress.

I thought to myself, what it would be like to be the real Jay, well you. I remembered how difficult it was for me to come out to my friends (who some of them turned out gay) and understanding a little of your background I thought again at how difficult it must be for you. I also thought I should give you a chance because if I was in your shoes I'd want someone on my side. But saying that I can also understand how people may feel betrayed by Jay, but it only takes a quick moment to realize you are so much more then a "fake" profile on Facebook.

I'm happy you trusted me, you have enriched my life and I can't wait to catch up with you later in the year ... again.

Soul Seared Dreamer said...

I had a fake profile on Hi5 - that was before I got hip and transferred over.

Well its all a bit of harmless fun ain't it.. plus its a bonus they can't turn up on your door. I say enjoy yourself until you get bored.

Jay said...

Oh i won't be getting bored for a long time yet ;)


Anonymous said...

Is there any reason you can't meet gay people in real life? I think the Facebook thing is great for practice, but after a while of that it's probably time for the real thing.

Jay said...

The real reason is that i'm scared. Though i am starting to open up to people i met on facebook, so thats a start i guess