Monday, July 6, 2009

My life at a crossroads

So here i am, my life at a crossroads, and not sure which way to turn. I've been in New York for about 6 or 7 months now, and i've been having an amazing time. But the time has come to make some tough decisions. I'm currently in the US on a tourist visa, which allows me to stay for periods of up to 6 months at a time. Clearly i'm not a US citizen or green card holder and things are tough.

I do have some kind of work here, which gives me something of an income. But it's on and off, definitely not a living. I have a college degree, but my industry (along with others right now in New York) and the job market is in the shitter right now. Definitely a bad time to be looking for work, especially when I didn't go to an American college and spend time interning for some large firm here, nor do I have that many connections that I can use to help find work, which is what you really need right now. With people losing their jobs left right and center, even if I manage to find a job, going through the whole visa process just isn't that worth it for companies when there are plenty of Americans looking for work that can start straight away.

Which leads me to my crossroads. While I am enjoying myself here immensely, I'm not exactly accomplishing things with regards to my future. If I can't find work, then what the hell am I doing here? My option is to go elsewhere, i.e. home. I have a return ticket thats coming up soon, that I've extended numerous times and paid the damn change fee each time. And i'm going to have to extend it again. With all the fees i've paid I could've bought an entirely new ticket. I know I want to be here for at least the summer and my visa expires at the end of August. So while technically I could leave, say to Europe or South America and then come back and not go home till later on the in the year, is it worth it?

What do I have here? A great social life - jewish, gay and straight, which I don't really have back home. A smaller jewish community means a smaller circle of friends, and zero gay friends. Most of them are married, with kids, or have moved away. There is something sort of drawing me there. There's this guy I met online. He's a friend of a good friend of mine, and we've been chatting quite a bit online, texting, calling each other. We just really clicked. We've even actually talked about this kind of stuff and are both interested in seeing where it could lead. Obviously no-one is moving to another country just yet to live with the other guy but it'd be nice to finally meet him in person and see what happens. Really it's a matter of who knows! One good thing about living there is I can actually work, I don't have to pay rent, or for food or anything like that until I find a place and move out.

But then i'd be living with my parents at least to begin with and I don't know how i'd handle that, being under their watchful eye the whole time. They don't know yet that i'm gay, in fact I had planned on telling them sometime soon, but definitely not face to face, and certainly not when i'd be seeing them so soon. So really I don't know how much longer to give myself here to try and make things work. It's not like I can claim asylum from persecution in my home country or anything. I live in a 1st world country so that's a waste of time.

I'd hate to give up on this place, but there comes a time when one must accept the reality of things. Is it time yet? Decisions, decisions, and none easy to make :(



Anonymous said...

that crap about the impossibility to get a decent job you've heard on the tv a cliche...

look for a right now there is a shortage of 10 000 nurses,personal suport workers and caretakers in US which converts to:in NYC alone a shortage of 500 staff. check out the NY colleges for the easiest one:caretaker 3-6 months FT study, and it is cheap...and if its not possible todo it on your next toursit visa...apply for a student one next time...or even right now.
guarantee after you finish it-youll get a real-decent pay job right away (which sometimes comes with a green card right away too...but you have to suffer on the same job for 4 years until you can apply for citizenship)

i know-i know (before you start protesting that the medical field is not your call)...well atleast thats temporary: finish the shortest med program-caretaker
2.get guaranteed job right away with the green card option.
3.four years down the road when you apply and get citiz. you can quit, start looking for another job in whatever field youve got already to your taste...the point is...youll have the coveted citizenship.

that looks the most painless and bulletproof option.(ofcourse if you marry someone...but thats something you cant really plan ahead or program....the 3-4 months college however is)

now go online and check out the NYC colleges

mpdim :)

Jeanne said...

What he said!
And they love guys in this field. There are so many females, that males are coveted.
I worked in nursing homes for years as a Recreation/Music Therapist and whenever there were males on the staff everyone from residents to families to staff just fawned over them.

Anonymous said...

...and to reaffirm Jeanne,s post: never know-some cute Doc may just fall your way...(and you wont have to work nomore....the happily-ever-after-part....)

mpdim :)

start checking out the NYC community colleges....Spetember is still a go!!!...youll be done by January-April the latest!

Anonymous said...

Someone as creative as j probably doesn't want to become a caretaker. Undertakers get paid better.

Life tests us in difficult ways. New York remains a destination, a place for fun, a great vacation.

Family will always be close, in or out. They may not dance with you at a gay bar, but they'll always be there for you in times of trouble.

May there be none.

Jay said...

I didn't say it was impossible to get a job. I said it was hard. And as hot as I would be as a male nurse, I'm not going back to school to incur more debt. I'll probably just end up back home.


Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

Not an easy decision. Change is always good. Can you look for a job simultaneously at home and here?

Jay said...

Its possible, but once i'm there of course it would be easier. And the fact that I can live and work there legally means I can pretty much do anything, even if it's not my dream job.