Thursday, December 18, 2008

Yep still here

So here i am, and all the things i thought i'd get to do, well i'm not exactly getting to do them. Well i am, everything is just going slower than i imagined. No i'm not talking about getting laid, lol ;) just meeting people that i want to meet. It's not like i'm really busy, yet i still don't find the time to do it... Hopefully next week will be better on that front.

In other news, i'm dating again. And thats a problem. I'm finally dating a girl that i can't easily find a fault with, she's more my speed, we have fun together. The only problem is she is a girl. We could be good friends one day, although that doesn't go so well over here. I don't want to keep on dating her because i know it's not going to go anywhere, but I'm sort of being pushed to keep dating her. It's very frustrating. I can't say we don't have things in common, i can't say we didn't have fun, i can't say she's boring, i can't say i didn't like her looks, i can't say she's stupid, i can't say she's too tall or short for me, i can't say she did anything specific that i didn't like, i just can't say anything bad about her. So why don't i want to date her? Argh!!! I don't want to keep on dating because i know i'd have to break up with her at some point and the earlier the better.

My problem is i'm too nice a guy. Girls like me, lol. I'm always the one that does the dumping, rather than the other way around. I really don't know how i'm going to get out of this mess :(



Anonymous said...

Jay - many of us have have gone through similar struggles and we just keep at it. We do not have much of a choice usually. Our society dictates that dating girls is the norm and we simply cannot wander from that path. I am sorry it seems so hard, but one day you will find the girl that you simply cannot turn down ever, you will see. I have faith in you. Bye for now.

David said...

All righty, I'm gonna just jump right in here and call bullshit on Anonymous. Our society dictated a lot of things that are no longer the case because "we" realized that the path was leading us nowhere. So "we" changed the path, and continue to change it.

Sorry Jay, but the hard honest truth is that you will NOT one day find the girl you cannot turn down, because she does not exist. There is no girl. There is only the girl that you pretend you can make it work with.

And if you do try, then 10 or 15 or 25 years later after you have both sunken into sullen and miserable silence, and possibly raised children, who grew up bewildered in a loveless household, you will either continue trudging on this miserable "path" until you die, or finally face up to your truth, leaving a wife whose life you have wasted.

You know there is only one way to get out of this "mess" and while today might not be the day you take that stand, it needs to be in the near future or else, well, I've already spelled it out for you.

Jay, forgive the vehemence of this comment, it's more for those who might read this than for you, but I've met too many who went down that path and are still trying to put their lives back together. I urge you and all others to believe that who they are in their heart of hearts is how God made them, and it is how they are meant to live their life, if that life is to be lived honestly.

Hope to see you soon.

Jay said...

There was a time in my life where I thought like anonymous. I thought I'd take my secret to my grave, while living a straight life. Marriage, kids, the whole 9 yards. And if i was still thinking like that, then this girl could have been a contender as for once I was dating a girl that was on a similar page to me.

However, i've moved on from that. I've realized that I just can't do it. David is right because i won't find the girl i just can't turn down. I won't put a girl, and kids through all that. I just couldn't.


Trinidad. Adventist. Gay?! said...

You're thinking way to hard. You can do anything you put your mind to as long as you have realistic expectations.

You need to build a relationship in a way too many straight people do not because they feel that their sexual feelings will carry the relationship for them.

Screw what people say. If you want a relationship with a girl to work you can do it. You don't have to limit yourself based on others' expectations. That is my opinion anyway.

Trinidad. Adventist. Gay?! said...

And I do not buy into these scare tactics about how 25 years down the road your gay will burst out and you will go cheat on your wife with a man.

That is what is nonsense.

You determine what your life will be like. If you enjoy the company of the girl you can make it work romantically. Sexual attractions can develop.

Think outside the box and determine your own destiny.
Do what you want to do, not what other people tell you you can only do.
If it works one way it must work in the other direction.

David said...

Nobody said anything about bursting out. Or cheating. I enjoy the company of lots of guys but I don't want to date them or have a relationship. A real relationship has its roots in both a physical and spiritual connection. If you are gay, then it is a real stretch to believe you can hold together something when the physical aspect isn't there or is forced.

Mind over matter is a nice concept. But set your mind to walking through a brick wall and you will only end up with a bloody nose.

Jay said...

TAG, i do think out of the box, and honestly do not believe that sexual attraction can develop if there is no physical attraction to begin with. Do you? I'm still siding with David.


Anonymous said...

Siding with David carries a price. Anyone who espouses these convictions has a shallow understanding of Judaism.

Jay said...

Siding with david carries a price? The fact is what he says makes more sense than the comment he was responding to. I don't have faith that my life is going to do a 180 degree change. It just isn't going to happen.