Saturday, August 18, 2012

Enough to make you want to turn straight!

I may sound like a whiny bitch, but life can sometimes be a struggle. Not sure if it's worse in the gay world but it sure feels like it. With everything going on, I thought I really need to meet some new people. I need to make some real friends. Real gay friends. I didn't think it was too much to ask, this post will recount some experiences i've had over the past 10 months or so that just make me question everything.

A couple were friends that I just expected more from. In Judaism after someone passes away the initial mourning period is called the shiva and lasts for 7 days. Traditionally during the shiva family members gather in one home and receive visitors (thanks Wikipedia). I guess there were some people I expected to see during the shiva. Some of those did visit and it was very much appreciated. Some (well one) told me he would come and I fully expected to see him. Only he never showed and it was dissappointing. Maybe I just expected more from someone who is Jewish because he knows what it's all about.

Another friend wanted to hang out and it was just bad timing, so i told him to try me in a week or 2 i'd be up for it. I next heard from him 6 months later. Maybe i'm being too critical, but these are people I just expected more from. They were considered my friends!

The rest I don't know what I expected. Gays in Melbourne who happen to be assholes probably outnumber the normal ones. The first guy was from Grindr. I told him i wasn't in the mood to date but looking to make friends. We made plans to meet up and and in the process of chatting it became clear that he still was looking to date, but willing not to call this a date. On further discussion when he finally got that I didn't want to date, he decided he couldn't be friends with me either. Whatever...

Onto the next one - this time a guy from manhunt. We'd been chatting a while and decided to meet for a drink. We set the date but not time or place. I'd given him my number but never got his. On the day we were supposed to meet I messaged him online and he replied that he was at a mate's place and when he got home he'd be in touch and we'd confirm everything. That was the last time I heard from him. He dissappeared for about a month, then reappeared all apologetic about what happened. Had some stuff going on, ok fine lets try again. Made plans the next week. Same thing happened, just dissappeared off the face of the earth.

The next one was from Scruff. Chatting for a couple weeks, eventually became facebook friends. As soon as I mention the possibility of meeting for a drink. Boom, radio silence. The next guy - can't remember how we first contacted each other but made plans to meet for drinks. Of course the day of the said planned meeting I message him to confirm that we're still on. No response. I gave him a few hours before messaging again. Still no response. I called, no answer. Figured this wasn't going to happen, so instead of heading towards where we were going to meet after work, I headed home. Later that night he called and made some lame excuse. Whatever, and then he gave me grief when I wasn't so excited about trying again.

Who should we pick on next? Ah yes. This guy first chatted on manhunt, then grindr, chatting for a while, made plans to meet for a drink. The day of, he messaged that he had to cancel. Very apologetic, he said it was unlike him, he wasn't the kind of guy that cancels at the last minute. He was definitely interested in meeting up with me and would reschedule. I'm sure you know how that ended. Messages never got replies. Mr 'I don't cancel on people at the last minute and really want to meet you' became 'Mr i'm going to ignore you'.

What the fucking fuck? Is it just guys in this city? Is it just gay guys in general? Where are the nice guys and why can't I find them? I'd like to think i'm one of the nice guys, but maybe we're all just assholes. Surely it can't be this hard for straights.

I'm not always such a complainer. Next posts will have some positive results :)

7 comments:

Roane Spencer said...

So randomly stumbled across your blogs and thought I'd drop you a comment! Lol@Manhunt/Grindr. I attempted to sign up for Manhunt once ...and never made it past the registration process part, haha! Something about it just made me go lolno. Heard about Grindr but never looked into it since from the way anyone I've talked to has described their experiences with it never convinced me it's worth signing up for. Anyways, if you're looking to make a new friend, gimmie a shout on Facebook sometime. I check it religiously, hahaha! www.facebook.com/heylegomyeggo is my fb link. Talk to you soon maybe, mate! Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

I really feel for you. We've all been there. We repeatedly try to make plans with someone who interests us, and that person disappoints. Or we expect something from our friends, and they just don't deliver.

That being said, if you're looking for a friendship, I think you're going about it the wrong way. It's generally understood that Manhunt and Grindr are not places to make friends. They are used for a very specific purpose. This is not an effective use of your time and energy.

If you would like to make real connections with people, you'd be much better off meeting them in person. You can make friends at a party or a public event (like a picnic or street fair or beach day). If you need something more structured, you could join an organization - a book club, a sports team, a soup kitchen or some kind of charity. If you pick an activity that you really like, you'll be in a group with others who have common interests with you. That way, you'll get lots of facetime with these people, and you'll have the opportunity to forge a true friendship.

Jay said...

While I agree with you to a point, I must say i've made some really good friends (yes real friends) through through MH or grindr. So there's a datapoint for you. :)

Luke Andrews said...

Yes im in the same boat not being up myself but i can get the fellas but all thay want is 10 min of fun never to be heard from again
Mr right has to be out there somewhere but where
i dont care about looks.age as long as that a caring and shring if i need there right arm thay would be more then happy to give me theres we are living in the (present)treat like a gift
myself had marjoy brain suregery was in a coma for 3 weeks my professor said i was going to pass but with hard work i came through
can do everything better now then i could before but for some reason mr right isnt happing :(

Luke Andrews said...

Yes im in the same boat i can find heaps of guys who only want 10min of fun never to be heard.
Mr right has to be out there somewhere but where
age is only a number its the heart that counts
after a nice caring guy who would let me have his right arm if need be.
i know about groups i can join but no gay groups where to meet normal men
I have had majoy brain surgery in a coma for 6 weeks had to learn everything again just like a baby i was
my professor told my family to say there good byes
but unsure if that would have anything to do with it as im back to myself 100% better then before i care about things way more please help me out kind regards luke

Luke Andrews said...

I have had majoy brain surgery in a coma for 6 weeks had to learn everything again just like a baby i was
my professor told my family to say there good byes
but unsure if that would have anything to do with it as im back to myself 100% better then before i care about things way more please help me out kind regards luke

Anonymous said...

outstanding work. see you,