Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Why does sex have to be so complicated?!

I should preface this post by stating that contrary to popular belief, i'm no ho. Do I have sex with random people? Yes I do. But I don't go around looking for sex, i'm just as interested, if not more interested in just finding friends to hang with, and if something happens, well then it happens.

I have a love/hate relationship with random sex. Random sex is exactly what it sounds like, sex with some random person. It doesn't really matter where you meet them, it's usually fun and satisfying. Of course there are times where things don't quite go according to 'plan'. If I'm going to have sex with someone, i usually make it pretty clear that i'm not looking for a relationship. My online profile even says so. I met up with 1 guy a while weeks ago and he seemed like a regular guy, but he was just too much for me. Very submissive, and just not my type. I went home and he just wouldn't give up. For the next week at least he would send me texts, he would phone me and leave me voice mails, he would message me on facebook. Even after I told him to delete my number from his phone and he said he would, he still didn't let up. Thank god he was the only person that I had a negative experience with... so far.


But there are other ways things can be fine, but then not work out the way I want. Like one of the guys I met up with last week. Don't get me wrong, he was a real nice guy, very passionate, we had lots of fun. Besides the fact that his profile said he was 7 years younger than he actually was (and to be honest had I known he was that much older I probably wouldn't have given him a second glance), all night he was telling me how amazing and perfect I was. And then after I left his place he sent me a text message which read in part "What can I say? Wow. Thank you for an awesome night. Been a long time since I enjoyed myself that much. Let me take you to dinner sometime?...." Ok hold on for a sec. He wants to take me to dinner. Does that constitute a date?

I'm all for a friend with benefits, or fuck buddy as some call them. But where does it end? I'd be up for having another romp in the sack (and we're already planning it lol) but I'm slightly concerned about what he's thinking. Is he thinking this guy is into me maybe we can takes thing to the next level? Do I just give off the wrong vibe? I'm not an asshole, I'm sweet and maybe a little shy. Does that mean that since I don't say clearly no this is NOT what I want, they just assume that things are going well and and want to see where things go? If he just wants a round 2, then why complicate things with dinner?

As much fun as it is, that's all it is. You can have as much sex as you want, but the more you do, the more you realise something is missing in your life. I'm not against dating and relationships, far from it. Just not with these guys. I know what I want, I know the kind of guy I want, in fact I have someone in mind and I'm hoping to see him soon. Not sure how easy it will be to make a go of things, being that we live in different cities, but i'd like to see how things can be worked out, if that's even possible. Maybe not now, but at some point. One thing I do know is that I like him, and I miss him, and I can't wait to see him again :)
J

3 comments:

David said...

Ah, the learning curve is fun, isn't it?

For many guys, sex = intimacy = potential relationship. Many guys think sexual compatibility is the same as emotional compatibility, but the two are very different. When you do find that combination then you've hit the jackpot, but it is rare.

You are a natural pragmatist when it comes to sex and love, which is lucky, but you are a rarity. You are going to have to learn to say "no" a lot unless you want to get a reputation as a heart-breaker who strings people along.

It may mean having to pass on the second go-round with someone if he is having misconceptions about your intentions. Or you need to lay them out clearly before you lay him out.

This is particularly important if you are planning to pursue an actual relationship with someone else.

David said...

Ah, the learning curve is fun, isn't it?

For many guys, sex = intimacy = potential relationship. Many guys think sexual compatibility is the same as emotional compatibility, but the two are very different. When you do find that combination then you've hit the jackpot, but it is rare.

You are a natural pragmatist when it comes to sex and love, which is lucky, but you are a rarity. You are going to have to learn to say "no" a lot unless you want to get a reputation as a heart-breaker who strings people along.

It may mean having to pass on the second go-round with someone if he is having misconceptions about your intentions. Or you need to lay them out clearly before you lay him out.

This is particularly important if you are planning to pursue an actual relationship with someone else.

Mind Of Mine said...

Please!

You are a slag.

Just embrace it!