Sunday, October 3, 2010

Single? Dating? Relationship? My priorities, or lack thereoff

For once lets talk about something serious. I'm currently single, and have been since I broke up with Mr Z over a year ago. It's been fun, but life wasn't means to be lived as a bachelor. I always thought that when the time came to get serious and actually start dating i'd want to date someone Jewish. It just made a lot of sense, someone with a similar background would quite possibly click better than someone who wasn't. It's also mean we probably shared important things, e.g. Jewish holidays or whatever.

Of course before we even get to that point some things need to change. For example my living situation. It's been good while it lasted, but now that I know i'm sticking around this city and not transferring elsewhere for work or anything, it's time to move out. Of course the question is where and with who? Gay or straight? Male or female? There was the idea of moving in with a friend whose roommate moved out, but that didn't work out, so it's time to start searching.

But getting back to the topic at hand. Dating someone jewish. It's certainly alot harder than it sounds. I know plenty of gay jews, just not many living in this city (or country for that matter). A relatively small jewish population means a relatively small gay jewish population. There are of course a bunch in the closet too. There's a jewish gay group called Aleph (and also one called young aleph) but to be honest I don't have much to do with them.

I mix with a different crowd. I tend to hang out with non jewish gay guys, and therefore I have more non jewish gay friends here than jewish ones (well thats not really hard because i barely have any jewish ones). So it only makes sense that it would lead to something more. I've held myself back from 'dating' any, and from the start i let people know i'm looking for mates but not dates, but i'm considering changing that.

Not that anyone I date will necessary be a long term proposal, and i know this sounds weird but i'd like to get some experience under my belt. And if things go well, well good for me :) I know how i'd like things to end up if I lived in an ideal world but I don't live in ideal world. I live in the real world and I think I need to make the best of the situation i find myself in.

Am I taking things a step too far? I'd love to know what you think.


Audrey the Liberal said...

Have you considered a gay Muslim?

Jay said...

Actually I haven't. But i don't think I would. Why? It just doesn't feel right

Anonymous said...

While I fully understand your desire to meet another Jew, what does experience have to do with it?

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Jay said...

Well I've never had a LTR, i think it's about time i started dating!

Anonymous said...

I think it's a great idea. Some people find it hard to go for a LTR after having been in a single/friends-with-benefits situation. Being out and looking for a boyfriend allows you to focus on what you really want and think more long term. Definitely try to date other Jews (have you tried Jdate?), esp. people with a similar background; you will understand each other better.

Questioning Yid said...

I used to be freaked by the idea of dating non-Jews, and I figured when I came out that it would be a big deal to me if a guy I liked wasn't Jewish. Then I met a really sweet guy, Protestant. Then another, Catholic. Very quickly, I saw that it wasn't all that important to me. It was a bigger deal that I be happy. Now, if only the several amazing guys I have dates lined up with would move to my State!!!