Sunday, May 16, 2010

I'm totally non-confrontational. That's my problem!

Well let me rephrase that. I'm very non-confrontational in person. Yet for some reason if i'm really pissed off at someone i'll usually let it simmer for a while (or more accurately boil inside) and then i'll do something stupid like send that person an email or text letting it all out. A word to the wise... don't. It's stupid. All it will do is piss of the other person and you probably won't even get your point across which is what you were trying to do in the first place.

Well you probably know about the whole new york debacle. I blogged about it before but now i'm heading back there because there's a continuation to the story. The following is a message I got from him after the whole thing followed by my reply I sent him once i'd sort of calmed down. It's edited slightly.

OMG!!!!!!! U can not possibly imagine what has happened to me overnite. I lost both phones, the one u got me and my blackberry, after dinner in the city we went to some bar and i left it there by mistake.

I can not apologise to u over and over again last nite, without the phones i had no way of connecting with u. My laptop internet went down and only now have i been able to log on and message. YOU!

I am again so sorry but to be honest i was more stressed that i had lost the phone and then the nitemare wouldve begun! I will get the phone back in an hour or so and so then we can chat and i can make up for last nite.

anyway, welcome to my world where there are dramas all around the corner!

call u when i get the phone

Well that was it. He called me a few hours after but I really wasn't interested in talking. I didn't so much as hang up on him, rather i told him I didn't want to speak to him then. Later that night he was busy with work but he said he'd call me when he was done. For a while i didn't think he'd actually call, but he did, it was around 11 or 12 and I was in bed already.

"So when are we hanging out?" he asked.
"Well we're not. I head to JFK tomorrow at about midday." We did have a bit of a chat but that was it. I found it hard to be mad at him. But i was. I left the next day and a couple days after arriving home I sat down to send him a message.

I'm sorry if parts of this will sound harsh, but it is what it is, and i hope you understand why i'm so upset. This was something i'd been looking forward to for months. We'd been chatting online for ages, spoken on the phone. It was my last weekend in NY. I kept my sunday pretty free because we were supposed to be hanging out (yes I actually did have to say no to people who wanted to hang out before I left). I'd planned on coming out to my sister before i left (which i did btw), so really hanging out with you was pretty much the last thing I had to look forward to before I left. First you were gonna visit some friends of yours and that turned into dinner with them. I got home at like 9.30 ish, thinking ok you're out to dinner. I called you at 10, to see what you were up to and to let you know I was home and ready whenever. I stayed there, getting bored, watching tv, waiting for your phone call. I called u again at 12. By 1 I gave up and went to bed, really pissed off. I woke up, no missed calls, no texts, i think i called u at 2, again no answer. I just thought well fuck you. I met with a friend for coffee in Soho, and i pretty much let it all out on him. Anyway, i know its not your fault, and shit happens, but all that time I was just so mad i got my hopes up of meeting you because clearly you had better plans.

Maybe we had diferent ideas of what was actually going to happen, or what we wanted to happen, but NY is gone. A missed opportunity. And you deciding to come to visit me doesn't quite come close to what could've happened in NY. In new york i had as much freedom as i wanted, and here i'm still learning how far i can push the boundaries. Sydney would be an option, and maybe had we met in new york i'd be making plans to head to sydney soon. But we didn't, so who knows if/when i'll be seeing you :(

Sorry for turning it into a rant but it's how i feel/felt. Even if it sounds all drama queenish. I wrote it in stages and probably forgot half the things i wanted to say, but i needed to get it off my chest.

That was it. I never got a response.

I'll leave you with a thought. It's one thing to say you're sorry. It's another to act like you mean it.

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