I can't see you again

Having been almost 12 months since I posted last, I've noticed one thing. I don't use the blog in the same way that I used to when I started it. Now it's more when I'm frustrated about something i've got one way to let it all out... on here. Which brings me to this post, Yay.

Recently someone friended me on facebook. He asked if I remembered him (I didn't), apparently he'd messaged me on Grindr a few years back and I never replied (oops). Anyway, we got chatting, seemed to get along well, and made plans to meet up for some drinks. Ended up at his place with a bottle of wine (which I drank most of as he was having beers), and I had some double Jaeger shots and a shot of vodka (I had, not we). We got along well, and I ended up spending the night (and may have fooled around a little). So far so good.

The next day we SMSed quite a bit and he asked if I wanted to come to Midsumma with him. I replied that I'd love to and then he threw a couple questions at me. 1) Do I wanna sleep with him and 2) if I wasn't leaving Melbourne, would I consider dating someone like him?

Question 2 was easier to answer because it was all a hypothetical - since I'm planning on moving interstate. Easy to answer yes. Question 1 wasn't so easy, I didn't have an issue with it, but thought it might make things complicated. Especially since I know he wanted to date me. He was fine with it, staying as mates, even suggested I come over Saturday night too, stay the night, as mates of course.

The next day we were chatting again as one does, and he drops some bombshells. He misses me and wants to fool around again. So much for staying as mates. I put it to him the same way i'd put it to him previously. I have no problem with it, but can he handle fooling around, knowing that is all it's gonna be. First he said no, he wanted the whole package, but then changed his tune to say he likes me, and i'm leaving, so why not make the most of it while we can. So it looked like sex was back on the table. I clarified that sex and/or fooling around is all it was gonna be.

Then he floors me... "I can't see you again." I did not see that coming at all. I figured if he couldn't handle sex without a date we'd just be mates as he'd said we would the day before. I did enjoy hanging out with him and wanted to stay mates. Whatever, that's how the night ended.

The next day he messages me again, clearly he'd seen my facebook status update. I asked why we couldn't be friends? To which he replies, oh ignore what I said yesterday, i'm strong enough to put my feelings for you behind me and continue to be mates. Bloody hell, ok looks like we're back on as friends. So to speak.

Fast forward a few hours later, and he wants to ask me something. Well he can ask next time he sees me. No he'll just ask by text. Turns out he's keen to hookup before I leave. Well isn't this a bit of a rollercoaster ride. We've gone from fooling around, to just friends, to fooling around, to a potential shag, to never seeing each other again, back to friends, back to there being potential for sex. Well at least that's clarified, or is it? I'm still at the point where i'm ok with it, but he's change his mind so many times, who's to say what he'll be feeling in a day or a week? What if we do and then he changes his mind and regrets it? I know that might not be my problem, but it just complicates everything.

Later on that day he asked my plans for the night. I had none, and he suggested I come over and then go with him to Midsumma the next day. Exactly as he'd suggested a few days earlier. I suggested he choose, either Saturday night, or go to Midsumma together as I wanted some time to organise other things for a trip I was going on in a couple days. He chose Midsumma and that was that.

I assumed i'd hear from him sometime the next morning to sort out plans or where we'd meet. I mean he'd brought up Midsumma twice in as many days and both times I said yes I'd go with him. But I wasn't hearing anything from him. Not a word. Had he forgotten? Changed his mind? Eventually it got to about 1.30pm and i figured I'd text him. I asked what he was up to. He replied he was getting sunburnt, lol. He got a lol and thats it from me. Maybe i'm way to fucking sensitive for this game but it was at that point that I wished we'd left it at "I can't see you again".