Lots of stuff to write about...

First of all a couple weeks ago was a JQY meeting. It was about time I attended one of those as I'd missed quite a few due to work. Well 'work', lol. Of course I got there and missed practically the first half of the meeting due to phone calls from people who think they're supposed to mix in in my life (read family). The discussion topic was dating, not that I know much about that, lol.

After the meeting we went to the Candlebar to hang out as we usually do. There were also some guys there who didn't make it to the meeting. And i didn't go home alone that night . To protect the guilty, I will say it wasn't a JQY guy, nor was it a patron of the Candlebar. It was a fun night :)

But I'll move on to even better stuff. I met someone. Ok we haven't actually met, so far it's been an online thing mainly. He's a friend of a good friend of mine, And we have another friend in common too. I did the usual thing i do, friend request from my fake profile, start chatting, quickly told him who I was. Chatting more and more, texting and emailing. We get along great, we have similar interests, lots of things in common. We quickly became close friends. He called me last week, and we spoke to for over one and a half hours. He feels he's taken me under his wing :) The only issue right now is that he doesn't live in NYC. Obviously no-one is rushing into a relationship, but we've actually discussed things, such as the current state of my life, and we would both like to see where it could head. He's got a trip planned to New York later this year or I may visit him at some point. So I guess we're at a wait and see for now. But things are looking good :)

It was this guy who actually encouraged me to come out to one of my close friends. Well it was going to happen at some point anyway, but no point like the present, so I did. He took it really well, which i'm pleased about. I'm not quite sure if I was surprised. I'd recently been telling him things about me, things i'd been doing, yet conveniently leaving off the bit about i was doing things with guys, rather than girls. After I told him, it seemed like he was in a bit of shock or just didn't know how to respond. He said he needed to sleep on things... Well not long after I got a text from him which said something like 'I don't judge, be proud' which pretty much allayed all fears I had. He's actually very cool about things, and is an avid reader of my blog, lol. Next thing to come is my family. Not quite sure how soon that will happen though.

Another thing that happened was I met up with another another fb friend. He's a really nice guy, we've been chatting quite a bit recently. He's a cute jewish boy :) and he reads my blog, lol. We met up for coffee in manhattan and had a really nice chat about lots of different things. Life in general, gay life, jewish gay life. One funny thing did happen that I got a real laugh out of. He was talking about someone he knew, and I knew him too and told him that's who I stay by when i come to manhattan for the weekend. His response was "he's Mr Splash?!?" lol, it was really quite funny. Of course time flew by and he had to head off, but I hope to see more of him as long as i'm around NY.

Lastly there was a gay jewish film festival on at the JCC in Manhattan and a friend asked if i wanted to go with him, of course with my life I never know what i'm doing until the last minute but I managed to confirm that i'll be in attendance. There were a bunch of other people I knew (and some I didn't). The first film shown was pretty good, the second one not so good. Afterwards a bunch of us went out for pizza, and then ice cream. It was overall a fun night - with interspersed phone calls throughout the night from my parents about the latest girls they think would be good for me to date :( . They really know when to call me at the exact moment I have no interest in talking to them to discuss things I have no interest in discussing. But more on that in my next post.

Good night
J

The best weekend ever!

*Disclaimer: This post was written over numerous days, sometimes late at night, and I hope it doesn't sound too disjointed.

Last week was a GLBT shabbat dinner that I almost didn't attend. I don't know why, because I had so much fun! It was at a friends birthday party a few weeks ago that I saw one of the organizers and he told me I should come. So I made serious plans to try to attend. I spoke to Mr Splash about staying at his place again. I hate asking people for favors, but this is really the only way I can attend. He always says yes when he gets back, he probably wonders if I was actually there!

I got ready, and needed to decide what to wear. Yes it was Shabbat, but i didn't want to look like some ultra ortho guy. I made my way to Congregation Rodeph Shalom, where the dinner and pride service were being held. I came alone and fashionably late. I took a seat in one of the back rows and looked for anyone I knew. I spotted a few but I wasn't going to walk all the way up in the middle of the service, and eventually some stragglers joined me in the back too. At some point a couple of guys walked in, and I knew one of them. F*ck! I thought, what is he doing here? There's no way he didn't see me, where do I go? I can't walk out. Then i thought about it for a bit, if he's here, there's a reason for him being here, the same reason i'm here. So what the hell am I worried about?! This should definitely be an interesting conversation I thought. It was an interesting service. Definitely not something I'm used to, but it wasn't bad.

Afterwards we went down to the social hall, everyone was basically hanging around and mingling till people got the ball rolling and everyone sat down. My table had a mix of guys on it, there were some JQYers and some i'd never met before, visiting from out of town or overseas. It was a really nice evening, Judy Gold the jewish lesbian comedian was absolutely hilarious! There was lots and lots of chatting and meeting people, it was a lot of fun. Someone came up to me during the meal to tell me that there was a guy interested in me and asked what I thought of transguys. Needless to say, wasn't quite my thing. Everyone was making contacts and I met a few very interesting people, some who are even from the same place that i'm from. People had their cellphones out and blackberries, and I thought why didn't I bring mine? It's not like I keep shabbat 100% anyway, right?

There was an afterparty scheduled at someone's apartment which was a more cozy atmosphere but time to meet even more people and also alot of fun. And he had a stunning balcony which was just perfect to sit outside. I got talking to people I didn't get to chat with at the dinner. I actually learnt some interesting things that night. One person mentioned to me that he was facebook friends with some friends of mine, but they had unfriended him when i had friended him as they were concerned about me thinking they might be gay. Um hello?! How did you think I knew him? lol. The host also mentioned to me a second person that was interested in me... looks like my new look was getting some attention :) Well we started chatting but ended up outside enjoying the dark cool night, talking until it appeared we were the last ones left, so we made a move too and wished the host a good night. And i'll leave the night at that. Suffice to say I spent the next few days sporting a huge hickey on my neck!

The next day was a really nice day :). I walked back to where I was staying, showered and changed and then walked another 30 blocks or so to lunch. Again it was really nice, some boys, some girls, had a really fun meal. From there we all walked to Central Park in the afternoon. There was a bit of mixed crowd, all the younger guys that I know, and older guys that I didn't really. Went for a walk around sheeps meadow with some of them, and was there till evening and time to go home. Afterwards I did hear of some comments that were made about me having a cellphone on me. I guess that makes sense since I looked like one of the more religious ones there. But i did walk home and not take the subway ;) .

After shabbat I met up with a few of the guys at westside sushi. Of course I was there and waiting, all dressed up in my gay finest lol. Black vneck tshirt with some silver shimmery design on the front and a pair of jeans. Yeah I did get some looks from cute boys walking past me. Absolutely loved the attention (and no i did not have a kippa on). Eventually they showed up and we went in and had something to eat. After all that we headed to Therapy for some boy's birthday parties. Again I had no kippa on and I really had a good time. For once I didn't feel like I stood in the crowd, I was just another gay guy hanging out at a gay club/bar/lounge/whatever.

There was a guy there, who looked at me everytime I went to get a drink at the bar. At one point i went outside for a cigarette and he was there too, as was another of the jewish guys there. This guy was from South Africa and was heading to Vlada, i chose to join him while the guys i'd come with stuck around. He was visiting for a couple of weeks from Cape Town. We had a drink but it turned out he was staying at family in Brooklyn, and I wasn't bringing anyone home so we ended up having a bit of fun at vlada :) While there I could've sworn there was this person taking pictures of me, well of us. Not that I care, but it was just funny, he was with friends and everytime I walked past him, snap, he took a shot. Anyway, after the fun I headed back to therapy to see if all the guys were still there.

On the way back I had just turned the corner onto 9th Avenue, it was around 2am and 2 guys walk past me that i recognized that i'd seen while waiting outside the sushi place. They stop and one of them comes up to me. He says hi, asks me my name. I told him and he told me his. He then asked where I was from and I told him. Then he says to me "I just wanted to tell you that you look hot" and he smiled. I was lost for words, I didn't know what to say. I thanked him, and then continued on my way. He just totally made my day :) i just wish i'd gotten his number, lol. Everyone had left therapy so I went home myself.

The next night was birthday parties round 2. This time at a place called the Greenhouse. The funny thing was we were all outside a bunch gay jewish guys, waiting for a barmitzvah to finish before we could go in. There was an open bar for the first hour, and the usual mixing took place, met some new people, made new friends, saw friends that had managed to evade me all weekend, lol. After drinking and dancing the night away it was time to go.

There, the end of a crazy weekend. I've never felt so gay, and so alive! And for once i'm happy with the way my life is. Got plans for this weekend?

J

Last weekend :) (well it's taken me so long to write it's now 2 weekends ago)

I had stuff in mind to blog about, but I thought that can wait because I really wanted to post this first.

I was in the park on Sunday. Yeah it was a beautiful day, lots of hot shirtless guys! I got a text from a friend that there was going to be a going away party for another one of the boys that night in Chelsea. I hadn't seen them in ages so I thought why the hell not. Later that night I was getting ready to go, and then thinking if I should actually go? It's not like i'm good friends with this guy, but i decided it'll be fun.

My first stop when i got out of the subway was to head to an ATM. The fact that I was walking up 8th avenue though Chelsea was fun in itself, lol. I got to the ATM just before a bunch of cute guys so I stuck my card in to open the door. Nothing. I tried turning it around. Nothing. Upside down. Nothing. Crap this is embarrassing. Eventually I told them that I couldn't get it open so they could try. One guy tried and still couldn't get it to open, thank god it wasn't just me! Anyway another one tried and he succeeded. I withdrew some cash while making smalltalk and was leaving the atm when they asked me where I was from. I told them. Then they asked me if I was gay. I thought for a second, answered with a maybe, smiled and walked out. I was halfway across the street when I heard them call me back. We started chatting, they asked where I was heading to. They were off to Hiro so we headed in that direction. They seemed like really nice guys :)

We went into Hiro and it was quite empty and then I got a text saying the party had moved. So we all headed there instead. Walking down 9th avenue arm in arm with one of them was fun. We arrived, circled the place, i got a drink and eventually found the boys. Two of them headed back to Hiro while one stayed with me for a while, until he left too. I stayed with my friends till they all decided they needed to work or study the next day. So i went with one guy who still wanted to party to Hiro. There was a bit of a line to get in, it was funny hearing some Israeli girls behind me mentioning my kippa as I stood in line to get in. We got in and the place was pumping, really packed house. Gogo dancers, music, it was nuts, but in a good way. We went up to the bar on the upper level and got drink. We were hanging out, chatting about different things when someone grabbed my ass. I turned around and saw that it was one of the guys i'd met earlier. So now it was the four of us hanging out, then we met another jewish guy and some israeli friends of his, followed by the 3rd guy that i'd met earlier.

We ended up leaving - myself with 2 of the 3 and headed somewhere to eat. Well they ate, anyway, I just talked, lol. Then we made our way home.

Finally! this post is done and I can get onto this past weekend. Bigger, better, crazier :) But first I need sleep! good night.

j

Bet you haven't seen this :)

And to think I almost met him on Sunday... oh well. But more on that in the next post!

j

Should I post or go to sleep?

Of course you know the answer to that question. How can I not post about my day? Today I got to hang out with Mr Splash and it was a long time coming! We'd been trying to get together from before passover and things just never seemed to work out (as you probably are aware of). We met for lunch in the city, got a nice table at the back so we could talk freely. I didn't tell him I blogged about staying at his place, but we did talk about my weekend, and some of the conclusions I had come to based on my perceptions of his life. I was way off on some of them, as some commentors thought too.

He didn't want to question me too much, and I tend to be more reserved and shy, especially when it comes to talking about my feelings. I open up more after a drink or two, lol. And he doesn't drink. But we did talk about issues I face. Coming out, doing the whole jewish and gay thing. He also told me again I should come see him on Fire Island and we'd hang out, which would be nice. Maybe sometime later this summer.

Afterwards we went to Soho to do some shopping. Well window shopping for me. But it was nice to hang out with him even if we were doing everyday mundane things. He's a really sweet guy, and i've mentioned that I think he's hot, lol.

Anyway I gotta run, going away for the weekend. To all you jews chag sameach, and to everyone else have a great weekend.

j

U-turn?

I had an amazing, crazy, good, funny, sad, eye-opening weekend. Ok let me explain. I got a call about a job over the weekend in manhattan. Well i needed a place to stay so of course i called Mr Splash who said no problem :) He was going away so I had his place all to myself. It was a quiet weekend with lots of time for contemplation. He gave me all the instructions I needed and also told me that any food I bring into his place should be kosher.

On friday afternoon I went walking the streets, it was a beautiful day out. I passed someone wearing a big apple dodgeball tshirt (i believe from the GYM bar team). It was kind of surreal. I mean i've been following their league a bit as well as a blog devoted to the dodgeballers (yeah i know it's kind of stalkerish, but this is the world wide web. Get used to it). But it just felt weird to see one of them in the flesh.

Anyway so at work there was this total hottie working, it was hard not stare at him all day :) . He was the epitome of a person that was tall, dark and handsome. Unfortunately he was totally straight, or closeted.

But getting back to my stay at Mr Splash's place. I started to think about that kosher comment. Of course I would only bring kosher into his place what did he think? But thinking about it he was right. I've eaten non kosher before, and i've blogged about it. And it didn't bother me. It was like i'd gone off the deep end and tried to ignore everything i'd been brought up with. Here was a guy that came from a religious background and was gay and seemed to be able to merge the 2 things together. He had a bookshelf with a selection of jewish books on it. Books on the torah and the mishna. He had a menorah (used to light candles on hannuka). On his refrigerator he had a jewish calendar with times for lighting sabbath candles, and on top of that he had a flyer for the Folsom St East Leather S&M and fetish party. I guess it just showed me that being Jewish and gay don't have to be mutually exclusive. Just because you don't keep some laws doesn't mean you have to throw it all away.

I brought some food with me and it was actually quite funny. Among the items I brought were chips and some soda. I opened up his fridge and besides for a few condiments and cooking ingredients, it basically consisted entirely of bottled water, some protein milkshakes, and a huge container of one of those whey protein powders. Yeah I know he goes to the gym often but this almost felt like I was desecrating a temple built to the human body by eating these things in his house, lol.

Yeah all that time alone with no entertainment except a book meant lots of thinking time. And the more I thought about it, the more envious I became of him. Here he was. Gay, jewish, proud, he had a job, a home, he put his own stamp on his life. A life with the perfect balance. And the better his life looked, the more screwed up mine looked. It just feels like i'm drifting aimlessly not quite sure which way to go. In other words, life kind of sucks and things feel pretty hopeless :(

All this means alot more to think about. I'm not saying suddenly i'm going to do a 180 and be the nice good jew that everyone expects of me. I'm staying the way I am for now, until I manage to find that balance. The search continues...

Jay

Oops I did it again...

Well I came out to someone last night. Well not exactly, i didn't actually know him before. I knew of him, he was a friend of a good friend of mine. And then I found out we had a gay friend in common. So I thought why not say hi? I mean he probably doesn't know who I am, and it's not as if he's going to tell my friends that I'm gay (in fact he even thought it would be wiser not to accept a friend request from my real account as we have quite a few mutual friends and they know he's gay - smart move boy). Anyway we spent much of last night and tonight chatting. He's a really nice guy, from a city not too far from where i'm from. And he's pretty cute too, lol. Oh who am I kidding, if he was single and I saw him in a bar i'd probably be chatting him up pretty damn quickly! No you won't be getting any more details right now, it's really late and I have to be up in like 4 hours. I just wanted to share the news :)

j

P.S. Stay tuned for a follow up post over the weekend involving one of our mutual friends. And before I forget, my blog hitcounter ticked over 20,000 hits sometime over the last few hours, so thanks all for reading!